Go Home, See Your Wife

Well written article. Maybe some of the new generation will learn from our mistakes. You've maybe heard this before, but no one has ever gone to their grave saying, "I wish I had spent more time at the office and less with my family." - David

I thoroughly enjoyed and laughed at your article. You brought a smile to my lips . . . however, you left the other half out . . . "Go Home to Your Husband" :-)
In today's workforce we seem to all be "over-worked" and "under-paid," but with the economy slipping like it has been the last few months, I am thankful to have a job.

Oh, and by the way, I have two fulltime jobs! However the second fulltime job involves my husband and his career :-)
Have a wonderful weekend and THANK YOU for the reminder! - Lorna, NY

Great story!
Hey.......my father told me a long time ago..."Anyone can come in early and go home late, its what you do with your time that is the most important thing to remember."

I've played that game and its not for me. I can work from home when I need to, and with a small measure of self discipline, I can be much more productive at home than at the office....no doubt about it.

I've been in automation sales for 25+ years and you can work around the clock, especially these days and still have things to do. Balancing life with career can be a complicated exercise but its always important to remember who is the most important person in my life; me!

Followed closely behind by my family, of course and my career. If I can't be relaxed and feel good about myself, how good of a job will I do at work and what will my family think of me?

Priorities change and there will be times that the career(job) needs more attention than the family but remember to BALANCE. - Karl

I own a small advertising agency in SC. I just read your article.

There is the other end of your friend’s drive for working long hours. It's usually high entry level, fresh out of school employees for writing & design positions.

These new “millienials” are a force to reckon with. They come in late, surf facebook.com for the first 30-45 minutes and leave at 5:01 PM everyday.

They expect 3 week vacations the first year, live from weekend to weekend and find that 6 months on the job gives them the right to find another job or two all in the same year.

These are our leaders for the next generation? - Keven, SC

As an established (and more secure?) engineer I see one flaw in your friend's logic. I would offer that his comments about not being first in or last to leave have a defective logic. I would ask him to note whether those that were there before him were the SAME people there when he left. I'll bet most of then were not.

That is a trap that catches us in life. Our neighbor A has a boat, neighbor B has an RV, neighbor C is in the country club. So WE want to have all three. Co-worker A is a morning person, Coworker B is an evening person so we think we need to be both. Friend A has a skill, Friend B has another superior skill. We pressure ourselves even though we have different, but equally superior skills then we are somehow deficient if we do not have ALL these skills.

Perhaps this is why today's houses are growing larger, why cars keep getting more Hp, and why work hours are over the top. - Mike, NC

I told my manager when I hired on, "I don't mind working late hours when we're up against a deadline, but if it happens all the time it's a management problem. I don't come to work to get away from my family." When a deadline looms I'll work all night if needed--and sometimes I do. But, after the deadline you can expect that I'm leaving the office early for a few days.

I believe that personal debt is a large part of the problem. We are convinced by commercial advertisement that we "deserve" to have everything we want, when we want it. As a result, recent grads (and many still in school) borrow to purchase things that they often times don't even need!

Consequently, the pressure to get a keep a high-paying job to cover monthly finance payments is sufficient enough to shift the power in the employee/employer relationship far to the employer side, so employees will put up with many extreme requirements to keep the job.

If an employee has great skills, no debt, and has funds saved up to weather a job transition, there is no reason to put up with the unreasonable requirements. - John

Just 1 persons input on this subject: You should only put into your work the hours that your marriage and family relationship can withstand. Each person has to evaluate that for their own situation.

No one's expecting to be greeted at Heaven's gates with: "We note by our records that you went way beyond the call of duty at your job, clocking 60+ hours/week. Good Going! Here are your rewards."

The greeting might be more like this, "We note by our records that you neglected the most important things in your life: Your wife, your family, and your relationship with God - please move on to that other Gate."

If the job demands more than the marriage/family can take, get another job. Strong marriages & families are the basic fabric/strength of any society.

We've got enough holes in our fabric.

This is a choice we all face. I have chosen a wife and family at the cost of having the same job title since my first job 14 years ago. I do have great relationship with my wife and family. After a cancer scare two years ago I do not regret my decisions one bit. To me it’s a matter of what we want out of life. Fortunately, my wife and I agree and I have been able to find a spot where I can live a balanced life. Many would not be content with my lot some may envy it. - Jim

I'm 43-years-old and we used to struggle with the same issues your friend sees arising in his experience before my wife and I just made some tough-but-worthwhile adjustments.

"Go Home, See Your Wife" is a good piece that addresses a broader cultural problem that I suspect has been several hundred years in the making.

Our society has grown prosperous and economically strong through long hours, dedication to our employers and the will to succeed. But, we have also compromised our internal social fabric through allowing the foundational institution of our culture, the home, to fall by the wayside.

Unless we corporately — and I use the word in both its business and societal contexts — regain our balance in these areas, I fear that domestic happiness will continue to suffer. And your friend and his wife will be examples of the daily routine for a whole lot of us.- Rob

“Go home and see your wife” was point on.

Seems we all work way too many hours and our social life suffers (spouse, friends, children, church, etc.)

My family is planning a vacation in Europe this summer, regardless of the Euro to Dollar ratio, since our children are at the right age and we do not want to lose an opportunity by always saying “later” or “maybe next year." Considering all the hours people work today, next year seems to come tomorrow.

It must be doing us all good though just look at the stock market. Maybe we should all take a lesson from the financial disaster that is affecting the loan industry. Does following each other’s industry leads, make for good business? Americans were leaders at one time now we all seem to be followers and we all do the same thing. I guess Good Old American Ingenuity isn’t at work anymore!

I hope Europeans aren’t following the lead of Americans. Maybe I’ll stay when we go to Europe; I remember they took the whole month of August off on Holiday. Now there’s something we Americans would never do. - Jim, IL

Go see Jason's wife. - Fred, WV

I agree whole heartedly!!! It doesn’t make much sense on burning the midnight oil while the family is left to fend for themselves after a long day at school or wherever. I can speak from experience. My wife who happens to be a 6th grade math teacher and a mother to (2) amazing children…6th and 3rd grader…has to handle a very heavy load at times. find myself feeling a little bit guilty staying late at work just to get another email out to a coworker for some information that I need to help further the project along.

I ask myself…is it worth it? Can it wait until the morning? On occasion, I will stay a little bit latter than normal but, most of the time, I find that my real work lies at home. The old saying is very true….you work to live, not live to work. I treasure the moments I have with my family because I know that at least 8hrs of the day is spent at work and I can’t get that back so, I sacrifice getting up early in the morning and put 8 to 9 hrs in at the office. When that is over, I am usually at home before anyone arrives preparing myself for the topic of the day and all the other emotions associated with being at school….and trust me, it can be anything.

I’ve learned over several years that family is the most important thing. If the job doesn’t fit, then there is always something else around the corner. I have also been very fortunate to have supervisors who understand family issues….sickness, after school games, and everything else under the sun that can drag a mom and dad crazy.

It’s not all about the big paying jobs…although the salary does help….but, its how you treat your family. Are they the highest priority? Or is work the most important part of your life? I have found that when you have things at home in order…everything else just seems to fall into place no matter how well or bad your workload can be.

I want my wife with me in “the cart on that second nine.” - John

I would agree that there has to be a happy medium between work and play for the sheer fact of keeping your sanity. But in today's America, it is nice to hear about the hard work that someone is putting in while so many American's are riding in the wagon. The incentive to work hard and provide a good life for you and your family slowly erodes as more and more jump in the wagon while so few pave (pay) the way. I miss my two beautiful babies everyday I am on the road, but I am going to do this right way and pay my way instead of waiting for the next handout! - David

Almost 2 years ago I was moved to a new position in the corporate office out of the plant. For almost 2 years I busted my ass working late, and then bringing work home for evenings and weekends, “so I could be home with the wife and kids”. This is while I watched a coworker at the same level habitually come in late, and leave early, (not to mention the cigarette break every hour). I didn’t get any additional recognition, or praise for putting in the 60+ hours a week.

At Christmas this year I did a lot of evaluation of where I was, and what I was doing. I have now said forget it, It’s just not worth it. She can figure out how to handle the extra 20+ hours I used to do that I have now “dumped” on her.

Hopefully I can stick to it. I might even take up smoking. - Rob

As a degreed engineer with an MBA and over 15 years of experience working in this industry, I am extremely disappointed in this article. The title itself was offensive, but as I read the article, it got even worse. You have portrayed women as waiting home for their husbands, as being uncomfortably angry with their husbands as they work late, and as preferring to go shopping while a man pays “takes care of” a bill.

I only got half way through the article and frankly could not even give you the courtesy to finish it. It seems like a slap back to the sixties. I am assuming that wasn’t your objective when writing this, but how it got through your staff and make it to “print” is a big question to me.

I don’t spend my days finding ways to be offended in this male-dominated industry. I just couldn’t ignore this. - Deb

Hi Deb,
First of all, thank you for your e-mail—we always appreciate feedback, although I’m sorry you feel this way. Along with you and Lorna, yes, I agree, we should’ve included “Go Home To Your Husband,” but as the anecdote was told from “Jason’s” perspective, it only made sense, and the latter didn’t occur to me even when I proofread the column. (I’m glad Lorna smiled, though!) The actual point of the column was to portray how a young professional in this field (who happens to be male) may suffer due to the time constraints and demands of his profession—it wasn’t intended to imply that women in the field aren’t undergoing the same circumstances.

David Mantey and I in no way meant to exclude or marginalize women. I myself know the battles we must face, especially in a male-dominated industry. I deal with it at every trade show and industry event I attend. Also, this is an actual account rather than a story fictitiously spun to make a point. The wife of “Jason” is, in reality, a pharmacist and a young professional herself. The difference is she makes it home in enough time from work to fulfill plans. More specifically, she wasn’t just waiting at home for her husband, she and company were waiting on his late arrival to go to dinner.

While women liking to shop and men footing the bill, I must admit, is a stereotype, it was an innocent reference. Just because the men paid the bill doesn’t mean the women didn’t contribute. As far as how it “got through,” I thought it was a wonderful column that many readers—both men and women—would relate to, and by the response we’ve gotten so far, I still think it holds true. I will, however, be sure to be more sensitive to how some readers may interpret columns in the future. Once again, I apologize that we offended you, and I’ll be more careful in choosing how women are represented in this industry in the future. Thanks once more, and please don’t hesitate to contact me with any more concerns. I’d like to address this issue head-on. - Carrie Ellis, Editor